soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
