I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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