I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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