why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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