and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
