They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
