Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Less talking, more tequila
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
