She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
