last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
