a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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