Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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