Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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