all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How's work?
Spinning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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