ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
