Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have aggressive nipples.
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