i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
