i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
