At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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