the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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