I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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