I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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