I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
