hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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