girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
