You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
