i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
