Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
