one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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