I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
