dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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