i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
