i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
