I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Everything about him screamed your future.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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