i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we're making bets on your personal life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
