i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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