Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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