I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
