she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
