so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
