ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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