mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
