I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
