I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
