so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.