that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions