I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?