I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.