I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that