using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
