If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
