I wish i was in the wii world.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
