It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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