CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
