god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
