Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
