It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
