um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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