Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
