there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
