you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
