did you get engaged???
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk is not a location!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
