so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
