I'm jealous of your bromance
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
