You're completely useless in the revolution.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
