ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
