So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we made out on top of his cat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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