Only a mothe r could love this liver
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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