That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Boobs speak an international language.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
