So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
