I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize