the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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