I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
