you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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