She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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