Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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