I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
