grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We are two peas in an std pod
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
