Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
