I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
