woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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