omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
